![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Forgive me because this is a little more outwardly directed than my usual entries. It's also probably going to insult you if you fit the description in the heading. So if you don't feel you can take the criticism... please fuck off, because I'm not in a great place right now and while you may not be a completely horrible person, I'm a little pissed at you right now anyway.
First of all... quite a few soldiers who go over there believing in what they are doing come back completely bitter and angry... and to go along with that, they also come back with post-traumatic stress disorder, brain injuries, battle scars of all shapes and sizes and some of them are even unfortunate enough to come back in body bags.
For those that don't survive... it's probably actually not so bad for them. Either they don't care cause they don't exist, or they're probably in a better place. However, there are men and women in the same position as me grieving for the loss of these people... I don't particularly care to be one of them, because honestly I'm not sure I could survive a loss of that magnitude...
For those of you who DON'T know, I'm married to a soldier. I love him... He is a part of me. He is half of my soul... probably more than half of my heart... and yeah, we have our moments that I don't particularly care to be around him, but regardless, I want him alive, close enough to hug kiss and snuggle with, and most of all, happy and healthy.
This whole thing in Iraq is sort of at odds with that. You might be wondering what triggered this need to state my feelings... so I'll tell you. Last night my husband left to spend a month in California training to go to Iraq. After he comes back, we have a month and a half... then he goes to Iraq for at least a year. If this whole conflict continues, God only knows how many times I will have to go through this same cycle. In the meantime, we will be spending the first anniversary of our marriage on opposite sides of the world. The same goes for my 21st birthday... along with thanksgiving (hopefully I'll be able to say that I am thankful my husband is still alive), Christmas and New Years... pretty much all those times most people want to be safe at home with their family. I'll be able to send him letters... and vice versa... hopefully we'll be able to talk on the internet, and probably on the phone too... Thankfully we don't have kids yet, so I won't have to go through what so many do just yet... trying to teach my children who their father is through pictures and phone calls and a webcam.. I hate that it may someday come to that for us, though...
If you AREN'T the spouse of a soldier, and you do support this war... do you think YOU would be able to deal with that, sacrifice those things, watch your children grow up with one of their parents gone half the time, and face the fact that it could very turn into a lifelong sacrifice? I hope to God you would, since you're obviously perfectly okay with me having to deal with it.
I understand that I am thinking selfishly. In general, I'm not a selfish person, and if I truly believed that we were making progress in Iraq, or that what we were doing was worth it... I think I'd be a little more okay with all of this. I don't, though. Regardless, if the colonial settlers could fight for their own freedom... why the fuck can't the Iraqi people stand up for themselves without us fighting their battles for them? I wouldn't even have a problem with us HELPING them, if they would just get their shit together and act like they want it.... like they don't resent us being there.
I just want my husband here with me. I don't want to cry myself to sleep tonight, even though there is no doubt that is what I am going to be doing. I don't want to hear a song he likes come on the radio and think about the fact that I won't be seeing him for a month... and the fact that after that he will be leaving for at least a year...
Just admit you were wrong. Admit we're not making the progress we should be making there. I'm not saying we should withdraw all the troops right now and leave the country in chaos... I'm saying we need to drop this, "as long as it takes," bullshit, and begin to force the Iraqi government to take over it's own defense. Stop making me sacrifice pieces of my life... Stop making everyone connected to the military sacrifice pieces of their lives... I realize it's nothing compared to what the Iraqi people go through on a regular basis... but isn't that something they've sort of created for themselves with their complacency for a corrupt government, followed by their lack of willingness to begin to step up to the challenge of defending themselves?? I would never say they deserved to live under the reign of Saddam Hussein.. and I'd never say they deserve to live in a country as chaotic as the one they live in now... but do they not have any responsibility for the stability and quality of life in their own country? Why is it my husband's responsibility to fight for them? Why is it my responsibility to suffer for their freedom?
Think about it.
First of all... quite a few soldiers who go over there believing in what they are doing come back completely bitter and angry... and to go along with that, they also come back with post-traumatic stress disorder, brain injuries, battle scars of all shapes and sizes and some of them are even unfortunate enough to come back in body bags.
For those that don't survive... it's probably actually not so bad for them. Either they don't care cause they don't exist, or they're probably in a better place. However, there are men and women in the same position as me grieving for the loss of these people... I don't particularly care to be one of them, because honestly I'm not sure I could survive a loss of that magnitude...
For those of you who DON'T know, I'm married to a soldier. I love him... He is a part of me. He is half of my soul... probably more than half of my heart... and yeah, we have our moments that I don't particularly care to be around him, but regardless, I want him alive, close enough to hug kiss and snuggle with, and most of all, happy and healthy.
This whole thing in Iraq is sort of at odds with that. You might be wondering what triggered this need to state my feelings... so I'll tell you. Last night my husband left to spend a month in California training to go to Iraq. After he comes back, we have a month and a half... then he goes to Iraq for at least a year. If this whole conflict continues, God only knows how many times I will have to go through this same cycle. In the meantime, we will be spending the first anniversary of our marriage on opposite sides of the world. The same goes for my 21st birthday... along with thanksgiving (hopefully I'll be able to say that I am thankful my husband is still alive), Christmas and New Years... pretty much all those times most people want to be safe at home with their family. I'll be able to send him letters... and vice versa... hopefully we'll be able to talk on the internet, and probably on the phone too... Thankfully we don't have kids yet, so I won't have to go through what so many do just yet... trying to teach my children who their father is through pictures and phone calls and a webcam.. I hate that it may someday come to that for us, though...
If you AREN'T the spouse of a soldier, and you do support this war... do you think YOU would be able to deal with that, sacrifice those things, watch your children grow up with one of their parents gone half the time, and face the fact that it could very turn into a lifelong sacrifice? I hope to God you would, since you're obviously perfectly okay with me having to deal with it.
I understand that I am thinking selfishly. In general, I'm not a selfish person, and if I truly believed that we were making progress in Iraq, or that what we were doing was worth it... I think I'd be a little more okay with all of this. I don't, though. Regardless, if the colonial settlers could fight for their own freedom... why the fuck can't the Iraqi people stand up for themselves without us fighting their battles for them? I wouldn't even have a problem with us HELPING them, if they would just get their shit together and act like they want it.... like they don't resent us being there.
I just want my husband here with me. I don't want to cry myself to sleep tonight, even though there is no doubt that is what I am going to be doing. I don't want to hear a song he likes come on the radio and think about the fact that I won't be seeing him for a month... and the fact that after that he will be leaving for at least a year...
Just admit you were wrong. Admit we're not making the progress we should be making there. I'm not saying we should withdraw all the troops right now and leave the country in chaos... I'm saying we need to drop this, "as long as it takes," bullshit, and begin to force the Iraqi government to take over it's own defense. Stop making me sacrifice pieces of my life... Stop making everyone connected to the military sacrifice pieces of their lives... I realize it's nothing compared to what the Iraqi people go through on a regular basis... but isn't that something they've sort of created for themselves with their complacency for a corrupt government, followed by their lack of willingness to begin to step up to the challenge of defending themselves?? I would never say they deserved to live under the reign of Saddam Hussein.. and I'd never say they deserve to live in a country as chaotic as the one they live in now... but do they not have any responsibility for the stability and quality of life in their own country? Why is it my husband's responsibility to fight for them? Why is it my responsibility to suffer for their freedom?
Think about it.